UGH today is such a f%$&ing horrible day.
The chinese paper wasn't THAT bad.....I have a feeling I'll get maybe C6 or C5 :'((( Sorry to Cai Lao Shi. But at least I had that light and happy feeling from being officially liberated. It was what came AFTER that that made me so super pissed at the world.
First of all, STUPID F&$ING DUMBASS BAND it was a waste of 5 hours of my life seriously I just sat there and did nothing well sorry to mr Seow my favourite Bobbity head conductor but....ugh. Actually I was feeling okay until I hit the third hour of being in the band room and I suddenly asked myself "what...what are you doing here?" And I was suddenly overwhelmed with anger and fury. I had just finished my O level paper, I didn't deserve to be cooped up in the shithole bandroom. I don't even like it there. I thought otherwise last semester only because I forced myself to like it and I even managed to deceive myself up till today. But the truth is, I really hate it. I hate "making music" with everyone. We aren't even making music, we're making noise and just trying to recreate what others already did. I hate listening to the conductor correct others. It sounds selfish, but I hate spending time on such things, things that don't benefit me in any way. I hate being forced to listen and to be a shitty shitass band conformist. I hate being corrected. If music is really music, I should be able to play however I want. But most of all, I hate myself for being in band. I know I made a promise to myself in JH2 to not change CCAs so quickly, but in retrospect, I was an idiot. I'm still the same person as I was 4 years ago, unrestrainable and easily bored. Band is boring me and confining me and I feel so restricted sometimes that my eyes spontaneously fill with tears when I think about it. O-Kay anyway I've decided to go and tell mr Ho I don't want to go to Hong Kong anymore tomorrow. And that I want to quit. I'm sure he'll be pissed at me in his usual slimy way and I don't know if he'll return me my $198392 but I have to get it off my chest. I don't want to continue doing something that I hate.
Anyway I got home and watched Shingeki no Kyojin and it's really amazing but I'm not in the mood to talk about it now. Also, I got pissed at my family because they wanted me to renew their passports for them and now I'm in my room being extremely angry over the problems in my life. If you're going to chide me for being selfish and start telling me about REAL problems from third world countries, save your breath. I hate people like that. It's like those "OHHHH you didn't finish your food? Do you know that there are kids starving in Africa?" situations. Yeah, I would post my leftover 53 grains of rice to them if I could, but I can't. And not finishing my food doesn't mean I'm unappreciative, it just means the portion was too big and I'm full. Likewise, I know there are people out there with bigger problems, but there's nothing wrong with being a little selfish every once in a while.
Yeah okay bye this became a stupid rant with no pictures sad 4 u no I don't care really
